New Year...

New year, New life...

Im 24 yrs old, on final year at university, living away from home, single and I got friends, some good, some just average.
Financially i'm just about coping. Physically okish (need to starting hitting gym again). I'm mentally ok, but emotionally unstable! lol Can i said that? Or will that make me sound mad??

I've been loved very much but i let that love do. Then i loved someone with my life and soul and that someone let me go and dropped my heart from about 100 floors up....
I recovered, slowly but surely. I recovered.
Now i feel as if i need to be loved again. I'm ready for a relationship. But i'm being very very cautious, i will not give my heart away. I will feel lust, passion but not love.

My problem is that i will not admit to anyone i want a relationship, that i need that tender caring love... I say i just need someone to use when it suits me. A casual fling.... men like that, trust me they do, and i don't lack offers either....
But noone has turned around and said, you know what i'm not going to let you use or abuse me when it suits you, cos i want you to be my girl, i want you and i want to be a couple, i want us to be serious, i want a relationship with you.....
They said they care for me, that they can't let me go, that they like me... But how much can i trust them?!?

You Mr H, you are the man i chose to allow into my life.... not everyone knows about you, only a few close friends... I like you, I care for you... You make me feel nice, good, sometimes special......I let you get close, Maybe too close for comfort, cause i know we have no future and i know your leaving in 2 months, but i can't bring myself to let you go... Why??
Because you gave me the confort i had been craving for months, because you made me care for you...
Because you say you are all man but i can see through the shell.
You're a playboy, but you're treating me decently, if you mess me around, trust me, you will live to regret it. So lets keep having fun and see where this takes us. Good or bad... we will see in the end.

But i still feel emotionally drained, scared, vulnerable and confused. I'm hoping that the New Year will mean a stronger and more confident me. I'm hoping the New Year will also mean and more healthier me!
So to all my family and all my friends I wish you peace, health, happiness and above all love!

XoXoXo